Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
where are you?
Hypothermia
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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