The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize