Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
