I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
