i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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