I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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