I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
