She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
