I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
