You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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