your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
