Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
