she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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