so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Randomize
