I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
