i think my tv is drunk
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
