You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
