Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize