You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
