I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
