Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
someone owes me an orgasm
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
