i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
