Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
