i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
