Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
