Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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