can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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