I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
