three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
