Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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