She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
