Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize