My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
His nipple licking is glorious
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize