Having a random hookup so left but love u
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize