She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
