after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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