Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
