so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize