I'm going to jail i love you
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
