There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
