Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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