i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I have post one night stand depression
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
