Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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