it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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