He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize