dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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