New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
