My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
