I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
