my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
