Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
