Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
