I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
When are your genitals available?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
