pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I smell like Dick and happiness
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
