then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
