im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
