She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
