All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
