ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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