I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
