somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
