Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
