im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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