Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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