I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
