we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
