Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
