She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
soo... how was my night?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
