Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
