You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
