My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize