Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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