Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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