the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
