I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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